a couple of weeks ago i had a dream. i was asked to teach a yoga class to a new group of students. i felt tired, my eyelids heavy and closed, but i started to teach anyway. i tried to pry my eyes open, but even when they would open a little, i still couldn’t see anything. i flailed around for awhile, and eventually told the students
“don’t be alarmed, but i seem to be blind.”
despite my request, i was actually quite alarmed. i was scared and unsure how i could manage teaching, but continued as best i could. i asked the students to look up at me if they were new to this practice. a few looked up and, as they did, i thanked them.
“i thought you were blind?” one student asked.
“some part of me sees,” i responded.
and at that point in the dream, i became aware that there was another me — more expansive and not embodied — that was seeing the whole picture. she was guiding the blind me in leading this class. i was both the terrified and confused one who could see nothing and the peaceful, calm and wise one who could see everything. i somehow realized that there were another set of “real eyes” seeing, even as the clarity was unavailable to the rest of me.
in the weeks since i’ve had to continually surrender to trusting what my ‘real eyes’ can see. i’m being called to navigate new territory in all aspects of my life. after ten years i have decided to release my bodywork practice. this work has been a reliable source of joy, richness and livelihood, but it’s become clear that it’s time to more fully focus on building my creative callings to coach, write, illustrate, sing and teach. it’s strange to let something that’s successful and that i enjoy go, especially when the next steps aren’t clearly laid out. but the inner prompting is strong, so i’m practicing leaning on of that, and taking the leap with trust.
simultaneously, in some of my close personal relationships, built on so much love, compatibility, trust and understanding, i am coming against new edges that are challenging and at moments seem impassable. relationships are our mirrors, and right now some of mine are mirroring back parts of myself that have fragmented off for the sake of keeping things comfortable. i am being asked to speak my own truth, and listen to other’s people’s truth, even when they aren’t in alignment with one another. i am grateful for the all the ways i am both supported and stretched by these relationships.
and then, of course, there’s the continued tension and division in our country. the shadows of old and deep seeded fear are surfacing through bigoted, hateful rhetoric and violence. as often happens with politics and in the media, people’s stresses and fears are being capitalized upon and reported on. i know that space must be made for more truth to be heard and spoken, but sometimes i feel helpless in knowing how to do that. there are many moments of my waking life that feel the way i did dreaming in front of that class… tired and unable to have any insight or eyesight to comprehend what’s in front of me, let alone know where to go next.
and still i have the sense beyond my five senses into that “some part of me” that sees a bigger picture. i often feel myself somehow moving through my life at the very moments my mind thought i had no idea how to move through my life. not a switch into a new version, but a parallel reality where i’m both blind and fully see… scared to death and surrendered to life… unsure and totally clear… all alone and wholly interconnected.
are there areas of your life where you are feeling blinded and fearful? do you ever sense some other part of you that sees? what if you didn’t have to identify as one or the other? what if you chose to step up and move forward through your life, speaking your truth even when you feel blind… seeing where your experience is reflective of the collective experience… leaning on the more expansive part of guide you?
i’m reminded of my blindfolded trust walks from my childhood summer camps, only this time i’m guiding my own blind self, trusting my real eyes to help the rest of me realize the truth. wishing you all the same, as we trust walk with ourselves through life together.