around five years ago, i got a strong intuitive hit that my partner and i were going to buy a home in the bay area. it felt like a download – a pure (and utterly illogical) download – from the universe. we had a rent controlled apartment that we loved, and our income levels, as self-employed artists, did not match the seemingly loud and clear reality of what it takes to be bay area homeowners. but somehow, in that moment, i just knew it would be and the flame was lit.
over the next year we took on the nearly full time job of searching for our home. we toured every single piece of property, no matter what the condition, that was listed in our limited price range. after six months of our hopes deflating and the marking inflating, there was nothing left in our price range. determined to make the impossible a reality, we stretched beyond convention and drafted a personal letter sharing who we were and the dream we had. we then went through public records at title company and sent hundreds of letters to the homeowners we found who had very small homes that hadn’t been on the market for at least five years and weren’t currently for sale.
then we waited.
a few weeks later we heard back from a couple who owned a small investment home in brisbane. it was a town we barely knew, but it bordered san francisco and seemed, from what we saw, to be a hidden gem. for various reasons, the couple were at a point of wanting a fresh start and although they hadn’t necessarily planned to sell the home, when they got our letter, the wife said she had her own “download” and knew this was a match. a few months, and twists and turns, later this magical little fairy cottage on san bruno mountain very miraculously became ours.
and then, while we were in escrow for the home, as if on cue, i became pregnant. another miraculous dream come true!
but shortly before we moved in, i miscarried. and once we moved in, the reality of being out of the city and near SFO, with daily jet engine roars overhead, long commutes on the highway and distance from our community in the city, took tolls on our nervous systems and spirits in ways we hadn’t expected.
as beyond grateful we were to have manifested this beautiful space, so much of what our minds envisioned for our home was dissolving.
despite that, four years later, we loved the home and town surrounding it in so many ways. but having done all in our power to adjust to the challenges, ultimately we’ve realized that living indefinitely with them wasn’t worth it. and so – four months ago – we followed another hit from the universe, to trust that something even better was awaiting us and to set the house, and all we imagined would happen there in our lives, free.
within a few weeks, we had packed up and put the home on the market. this last friday we passed on our keys to the new owners – neighbors of ours, a wonderful couple who loves the home as much as we do and, after renting in brisbane for years, have come to know the location is perfect for them.
we are staying with dear friends, back in san francisco, and taking some deep exhales – pausing as we integrate and reorganize our lives to this new reality.
when i look back on this wild journey, and forward into all the possibilities, i feel open, grateful, surprised, disoriented, unsure and trusting. i am also deeply unsettled, but in the way a bird unsettles herself from her nest to migrate… or leaves unsettle themselves from the limbs and fall gracefully back to the soil.
i am often reminded of a favorite bumper sticker of mine… “if you lived in your body, you’d be home by now” … and i know i am never more than one breath from feeling home.
our souls are always in migration, asked each moment to embrace the flight and to hold all our best laid plans with open hands and adaptable minds. some dreams, like relationships, come in for a season and a purpose, far different than our minds could have ever comprehended. i am often most in awe, while on life’s detours.
may autumns energy allow us to surrender yesterday’s dreams and enjoy the ride into tomorrow’s, knowing that when we stay connected to our bodies, and accept of the flow of life, we are always home.