happy (halfway through already) april friends!
the word “april” comes from the latin root “aperire” which means “to open.”
this is a month, within the season of spring, where there is more energy than ever to open up what has been closed… to blossom, all that’s been tightly wound into buds.
each day offers us invitations to stretch open our body, our emotions, our thoughts and other mental constructs, our heart and our souls. the experience of the circumstances we’re part of, sensations we experience and thoughts we have is directly connected to how much available energy we have in the moment. tuning into places where we’re bound up, and inviting an opening in these areas, leads to an energetic liberation that miraculously changes our experiences and wellbeing.
this month has certainly been one of extreme openings for me.
right before the month began, near the end of march, i was on my way to santa cruz to co-lead a retreat. i was feeling open and connected, loving the beautiful drive along HWY 17 and listening to a podcast of one of my mentors, dr. donny epstein.
out of nowhere, while rounding a curve, my car hit a slick spot, did two 360s and went flying across the median into oncoming traffic. during the twenty seconds of so of heading into high speed traffic coming at me on the twisty, narrow road, a portal opened where my ancestors surrounded me and left me in total peace. i began to sense, in full peace, it may be my time leave this body…. all the while miraculously, other worldly voices began directing each slight turn and move and eventually guiding me safely through to a pull off, where i came to a stop, incomprehensibly having been involved in and causing absolutely no collision or injury.
later, looking back at the narrow stretch road with no shoulder and a tight medium, it was clear that the laws of earth bound physics morphed and opened beyond linear time and space, somehow making a way for each of us driving that morning to continue on with our lives embodied and unharmed.
almost immediately afterwarwas also able to open and fully emote in wild, non-rational ways, for a good 20-30 minutes before driving again – and somehow left the moment, able to drive and lead the day, feeling clear of any traumatic residue and beaming with overwhelming gratitude and awe.
about a week later, at the beginning of the month, after a year of uprooting, envisioning and surfing through some wildly tough waters, my partner and i finally moved into a new home in san francisco. those of you who follow my letters know what an intense journey this has been. but i’m ecstatic to report, that through a series of improbable miracles, we are now cozying into our little nest in the sweet excelsior neighborhood (and “excelsior” mean, perfectly fitting, “ever upward” or “still higher”).
getting to this point required a willingness to open up the large range of emotions that came along the way. when i was able to fully and freely emote through them – i could ride them, without being snookered into believing they were permanent. the journey also required stretching open my mind into a new story, beyond the multitude of strongly held, limiting narratives about the impossibilities of bay area housing.
this last weekend, i was in denver with dr. epstein, who had been playing on my speakers the day of the near accident. i participated in one of his “epienergetic” programs, which was three days of mind bending, indescribable magical experiencing that opened the eyes of my soul even wider to all the abundance, love and beauty that is constantly available to us beyond the blinders of three dimensional reality. i arrived back to my new little home yesterday, flooded with thankfulness and joy beyond utterable words.
and all i want now is to open more…. to each day stretch my body, emotions and soul beyond any previous point. i want to be present with any places where i’ve been containing myself and my life and see what might be ready for upgrading and opening.
what about you? where have been feeling closed in or stuck in a pattern or narrative that is clearly not working? where is life asking to be stretched? what wants to blossom through you?
down below is a soul oriented exercise to do and help get a sense of openness in your body – that may help you answer the above questions with more clarity.
and i’m fully open to your responses… let’s inspire each other on this journey, like a field of blossoming flowers!