mama love

32349539_10215192420791445_2679358495127502848_n.jpgblessed mother’s day dear ones,

i just got off the phone with my mother, for whom i am eternally grateful. she is a passionate, compassionate, wise, fierce and beautiful woman who not only gave me the ultimate gift of life, but also a lifelong of unconditional love, support, and lessons on living a heart-centered, creative life. much of who i am is because of her, and (she tells me) much of who she has become is because of me. i know many people have not experienced the gift of a loving, maternal presence in their life, and so i humbly bow in reverence for this gift and happily celebrate her contribution to my life and our world.

but for me, mother’s day is about more than celebrating the woman who birthed me. it’s also about looking at my own relationship to mothering.

from the time i was young i always dreamed of being a mother, and more to the point, of being pregnant. i find this so telling — that it was the magic of the anticipation and creation process that most captivated me – more so than actually raising a child. as a young child i would often put pillows under my shirt and sweetly imagine a little creation growing inside me. i was in awe of pregnant women and animals and always felt like it was god’s magic trick – bringing new life out of what seemed like thin air.

if you had told me as a child or young adult, that i would get into my early forties without becoming a mother, i couldn’t have phathomed it. i was always ambitious and entrepreneurial and had huge dreams for my life beyond having a children – but i never even considered that having my own family wouldn’t be a part of it. much of my thirties was tangled up deeply in emotional and physical turmoil around wanting to be, but not yet becoming, a mother. 

then at some point i realized….   

i am a mother.

every piece of art i make… song i write… business i’ve started… retreat i lead… even dinner i whip up….

is a creation i’ve birthed.

every person i nurture and love unconditionally (including myself)… all the inner children (including my own), that i support the healing of… each time i’ve stood up for and with someone who was cast aside, believing in their fullest potential… all the many projects i’ve nursed over time…

have all been maternal acts.

i am a mother and so are you. regardless of your gender, whether or not you have or want children, what your relationship with your own mother was or is or even whether you consider yourself to be a “creative” or “nurturing” person. the mothering instinct – to create, nurture and unconditionally love and support – lies within us all.

whether i will ever be a mother to my own children is still floating as part of the unknown…and i am at peace with that. but now and always, i will be a mother and continue to love and nurture what’s being created through me.

this mother’s day, may we each pause to feel which parts of ourselves and our world need some healthy mothering. do you have aspects of yourself that have been pushed aside, judged or altogether abandoned? do you have creations that you know long to be birthed through you? the field is ripe my friends, and you are the most present, resourceful mother you have.

with mama love,

vanessa

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