What Are You Fixing For?


Hi friends,

Just wanted to drop in your inbox to remind you-

There’s nothing about you that needs to be fixed.

Seriously, there’s not one single part of you that showed up on this planet, or slowly became, defective. You are not fixed and you don’t need to be fixed.

In my coaching practice the most common sentiment of suffering I hear is “I’m not enough.”  The second most common is, “I’m too much” Our striving for some unattainable level of perfection comes from the illusion that intrinsically we don’t measure up. So much suffering comes in trying to avoid falling off a precarious, impossibly narrow, and ultimately non-existent cosmic balance beam.

Along our life’s journey we pick up strategies to survive, physically and socially. At the time, these patterns were brilliant responses based on circumstances and our understandings of reality. But like everything in nature, we are meant to evolve, change and grow, never truly fixed in one way of being. Feeling the pain of what’s no longer working is not a sign of what’s wrong with you… but an indication that you are aligned with your natural rhythms of your life.

There was nothing “wrong” with the caterpillar, but eventually, it was time to grow wings.

Still don’t buy it?  Is your mind coming up with a long list of supportive evidence for all the ways you are f*cked up? Great! This means you’ll have plenty of material to mine when exploring the deeper needs buried under all these rules about how and who you should, and should not, be.

Is some part of you dismissing this as new age, rose colored delusion meant to avoid true responsibility? Awesome. Response-ability, the ability to respond to what’s really there, is a crucial part of healing, skepticism is a response.

Because, of course, there are plenty of ways in which we have disconnected from and contorted our essences. But instead of trying to “fix” them, we can notice which outdated patterns have become fixed and bring curiosity and compassion to them. Instead of asking “Why I am so messed up?” We can ask “What is the deeper need that this pain is expressing?”

*The moments I feel I am too loud, I see the part of me who has needed to scream… and in this moment, welcome the opportunity to tune in and listen.

*The times when I feel like my body isn’t the right shape, I can feel back to the earnest young girl trying desperately to fit impossible standards of beauty… and in this moment, celebrate my deep and sacred desires for intimacy, acceptance and connection.

*The points when I get frustrated at my lack of willpower, I tap into all the ways in which I’ve tried to avoid feeling powerless… and in this moment, claim the wonder and mystery of all that is beyond my ability to control.

*When I get on myself for being defensive, I can stand in awe of the protector within me, who at times has had to work hard to keep me safe… and in this moment, pause and feel the sweetness of my innocence and vulnerability.

Try this yourself… create a list of everything that you’ve assumed needs “fixing” in your life… and see if you can find both the ways that this pattern once served you, and the deeper needs that it’s now expressing.

In fix-ness and in health,


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