Interconnectedness is my favorite law of nature; I typically feel deep comfort and energy in knowing that:
We are all one
Anything that happens to one of us, happens to all of us
Separation and isolation are illusions that leave us stuck in unnecessary suffering
But, sometimes it feels tempting – and even prudent – to isolate.
Sometimes viruses of potential pandemic proportions loom at every social gathering and doorknob…
Sometimes the choices that our government makes can feel toxic and out of alignment with all that feels right and congruent…
Sometimes other people just feel so, well, “other”, that I’d rather sequester myself and a few choice allies into a nice little bubble and ignore the rest.
And there’s wisdom in all these… sometimes and temporarily. Making life smaller and more manageable when you are in breakdown, and the threats are large, can be a restorative short term strategy, personally and collectively. The problem comes when we stay there… operating from that place of protectionism.
In order to build our spirits, or immune systems, back up to a more robust place, we must stay in the fullness of life – in relationship with all those “other” parts we’d like to avoid.
True thriving comes not from how much “badness” we can avoid, but rather from how large a range we can be with and adapt to. When we are physically healthy, our immune systems can process, integrate and filter out a huge range of potential threats. It’s the same with our psyche.
Treating all parts of ourselves with compassion, humor and grace, we witness more parts of others, and we can be with them. It doesn’t mean we always agree and align, but we are able to be present with whatever arises. In this resourced place, we can see toxic patterns or injustice and disconnection and respond wisely – rather than running away or reacting with defense.
In the last few months my ideas about relationships have been stretched in new ways.
One of my oldest friends had health complications that nearly led to her death before a miraculously successful liver transplant happened…
My parents came to live in San Francisco for nearly two months, so we shared day to day life for the first time since I was a child…
And my husband and I have been doing deep therapeutic work, upgrading our understandings and ways of being in partnership, to support both of our fullest expressions.
All of these have been beautiful, and unsettling, opportunities for me to compost old structures and build new frameworks of relating and dancing with the people I love most.
Over the next two or three months in my newsletters, I’ll be writing a series of articles about my ideas of what it means to be in Soul Oriented relationships – expressed through the specific ways we relate to ourselves, people we love, people we find difficulty loving and to the greater patterns of our world.
I will explore ideas about our “needs” being met…. What to do when challenging relationships call for new and updated boundaries…. When, and why, to speak up and when you might stay quiet…. Tools for how to be with a seemingly impossible impasse.
Thank you for staying in relationship with my journey – and sharing yours with me. Our collective will get through these current crises, as we’ve gotten through infinite others. Along the way, I’m grateful for the ways we can support one another to feel more resourced.
Interconnectedly yours through whatever waves come,
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