“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”
Early on in lockdown I was texting with my seven year old sagacious niece, who is a real live magical fairy. She and I began to chat online more often once quarantining started and her pictures, videos and messages are always a tonic for my soul. Gratefully, she’s dancing in the world of unfixed ideas, grammar included, so her messages are often threaded together in ways that end up delightfully poetic. ” In one recent message, when I told her I loved her, as we both always do, she replied with…
“Love is how we are Aunt Nessy”
This past year, more than ever, I’ve felt how every cell of our being is love – whatever doesn’t feel like love, is a cry for love – a desire to take off our masks and come back into resonance with our true nature. While so much has been stripped away this year so many more complexities and challenges have also been added. But ultimately underneath and above and beyond it all.. is love.
The essence of who we are is not a state or a place…it is how we are, regardless of what masks we wear to protect ourselves and others.
Less than two weeks ago, my husband and I were unexpectedly in Las Vegas where his brother was on life support after he had a sudden heart attack while on vacation. Through the unfolding of many miracles, even during these covid restrictive times, we were both somehow able to be directly at his hospital bedside. As they removed life support and he transitioned to the space beyond our comprehension or knowing, there was only pure, clear love. Nothing, including the N95 on my face, the respirator on his, any questions about what happened or prior complexities of relationship could disconnect me from the flow of love between us… through the family… the lineage… the cosmos.
It was a death and somehow a birth too, and one of the most profound honors of my life, to share that sacred space.
When the veil is thin, the masks come off and all the mind’s stories more easily dissolve so that only the essence of who we are… and how we are… is there.
I have been riding the waves of grief these last two weeks. With the pain there has been so much healing and revelation and so, so much love.
The driving to Las Vegas… love.
The stories of guilt, feeling like I could have done more… love.
The gut wrenching sobs… love.
The feeling of unexplainable peace and contentment, sometimes sooner than I think I deserve to be feeling it… love.
The desire to know more about his life… love.
The regret I knew less… love.
The numbness… love.
The anger… love.
The gratitude.. love.
The sorting through papers and settling his estate… love.
The yearning to know… love.
The surrender to all we can never know… love.
On this heart focused day, may we each bring enough presence to our life that we see how every impulse, emotion, thought or action comes from love. It’s just how we are.